12 Funniest Things Said In Court

These Hilarious Courtroom Blunders Are Sure to Make You Laugh

Lawyers are not necessarily known for their comedy routines but, once in a while, a perfectly posed question brings a pause in the courtroom.

Court reporters capture every moment, the good, the bad, and the embarrassing.

The book Disorder in the Court has a compilation of these exchanges between lawyers, witnesses, and judges.  The banter is too good to be left on the courtroom editing floor and has provided much amusement for the legal community.

Here are a few of our favorites:

No. 1

LAWYER: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

LAWYER: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

No. 2

LAWYER: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.

No. 3

LAWYER: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

No. 4

LAWYER: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

No. 5

LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?

WITNESS: The victim lived.

No. 6

LAWYER: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

LAWYER: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

No. 7

LAWYER: Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man —

WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment.

No. 8

LAWYER: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

No. 9

LAWYER: All your responses must be oral, ok? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral…

No. 10

LAWYER: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

No. 11

LAWYER: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

LAWYER: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I’m going with a male.

No. 12

LAWYER: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

LAWYER: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

LAWYER: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?